You cant put that genie back in the bottle. You know your H better than anyone. Scaring the hell out of the OW was certainly a trump card for me. But now I have my own activities and social life separate from him. NC all the way with strict business protocols adhered to. Some cases of runaway brides are caused by having made romantic compromises. He manned up and did the hard work. Dont contact him. And twice I took him back. Actually I took the meme from another blogger I follow. I think he is going out on dates on weekends. A WHAM an A begins. [As an aside: calling a woman too strong is rarely a compliment, is really a label and always makes me bristle. Also, as TFW said, things have been said about me personally that are hurtful and feels like more betrayal. But little by little youll start healing. We can only hope that they wise up and return to being the person we believed in and love before the affair. When my h got the notice from my lawyer how Id set the process in motion he had moved to his sisters place six doors down from me if you remember reading in my last post. It was her decision, every day for who knows how long, to continue her cheating and lying to me. Our family rules. Dont beat yourself up over why. I said hes starting to crack. He has done far too much choosing for me, without concern for me. No, affairs can and do happen at any age. You can have her. And his choices went to the OW more often than it should have. Because at any time he can CHOOSE to do the right thing. In actuality having an affair is a selfish chicken shit way of handling problems. Do they really think we buy the crazy things they say. Being the architect of my own happiness is what really messed with his plans since he cared not one bit what happened to me in the wake of his leaving. Whether Im on a remote beach or not, Ill be ready ???? and now the rose colored glasses are off. Many of these couples are viewed by their circle of friends as being moral and trustworthy people who are happy with each other.(1). Basically it comes down to this: if you want to save your marriage, then do everything in your power to fight for it! Like, as they are leveling no consequences on my H for his actions against me and the M it follows that he would have likely had no consequences ever growing up. Honestly I cant keep up. I am in better spirits, thanks. Theres a whole lot more to you than what you are currently showing, TryingHard. Didnt care what happened to him. I then uninvited him to a charity event I was running and basically said we no longer had joint commitments he looked at me and said why is that? Let their good for nothing golden child suckel off them for a while they think hes so great. Then she heard that Gianfranco didn't want her at all -- he just wanted their baby.. Yes, laughter IS the best medicine. Affairs may happen at a certain time of a mans life but that age certainly doesnt cause an MLC. And having spoken to OW before I confronted him she provided details as well and she sent me the emails so I had additional evidence of most of what transpired. It must be very hard for you both. Wish you the best and I do believe you reap what you sow. It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy. What are the reasons forcing you to put your loved one so recently in such a humiliating position, not to mention your own and his loved ones who were preparing for the wedding and invited relatives and acquaintances to it? In one of his articles, Richard said this about covert narcissists: they are smart enough to know what you are looking for at the level of your core values and mold themselves to appear to represent that whilst provoking as much sympathy in you for them as they can. Let us consider the psychology of the actions of escaped brides and grooms in more detail. Say it aint so??!! That was my bad. I still think our greatest power is in our own actions and responseswe really cant make anyone do anything but we can certainly make our own choices. Cite cash flow or logistics or damage to business to buy him out all at once. Anyway its coincidental that indeed it was HER words that have driven you away. Now, its happening more so among women, for whom traditional definitions of marital roles are changing. Next, you must take care of your physical self. We have a diagnosis now we can find the cute. But he came over to the office to pick something up so we had a brief conversation today about an asset that I brought into the M, but that he wants. Parents need to know that the comedy Runaway Bride is fairy-tale light and will appeal to tweens and teens, as well as adults who like their romance on the fantasy side rather than dealing with real, flawed people and thorny situations. Seriously? There is a chance for a betrayed spouse to have some of his or her questions answered and to try to understand what happened. In this next part, all of our very valued and always welcome male readers will see that it is not just men who abandon their families. Im paranoid and do not trust any of my own judgments at this point. H came over to walk our dog for the first time since last week. She went to her mothers house and simply closed all communication with her. He doesnt want to see whats wrong with him. Hed just rip the rug out from under me. There are parts of the brain that control things like emotions and memory. Satori. Um maybe but that was only AFTER he started the A and he was in full avoidant mode of me!! The A makes no sense. It may already be too late. What you see is what you get. I have not posted a great deal on many blogs before, so I was not really sure how to manage it. Id be angry too. How couldnt she simply look at her daughter and say youre breaking your vows and destroying your life? Cheating is never acceptable but cheating in and of itself doesnt have to be a deal breaker. Thats why I do not mention OW at all as that feeds the drama and by not mentioning it and therefore appearing unconcerned about it then the thrill (power high) is reduced. Im hanging in there. You must strengthen your identity without your spouse. 90% of it very positive. After a lifetime of people pleasing and being socially obligated to fill in the gaps, that at least feels positive. ME: What the fuck, what if I kill her? Ever. My father bless him even called my H personally and got one of his own contacts, one of the best psychologists in the country, arranged to see him but H refused to make the appointment. Current mood? What he did was cruel. It is all a bunch of lies and justifications. I am very anti-drugs and we as a couple have never done that in our M. I wont socialise with the friends of his who do it. Hs moods are like the weather. Milli, But the fact that he is suddenly wanting a D after being unhappy for years? I call bullsh$/@ on that. All these things are made so much harder by the drip feeding of the info. You can control how you act, feel, talk, communicate in your relationship. And here is one reason for that, speaking about too little too late: I had a phone call from my MIL today, the first call since I saw her 2 days after my H left the house. If I NEVER hear those words again in my life. Just wondering how to enforce boundaries while not feeling like I will go insane. The path of destruction as you say. No, good gawd no. Resentful. Let me know. I am however sorrier for your son. I thought it would get better but when it was clear that it wasnt, I had to act. LOL and I would have too, if you know what I mean, I was that sick of being treated like a doormat. So my lawyer told him thats fine, we plan on subpoenaing the OW and also sue HER for Alienation of Affection and Resources which is still a law in my state which would me a huge forensic accounting of all businesses!! Now having been cheated on Im having the story of my life re-written by people who do not have my interests at heart. Theres no going back to the way things were. When I finally stood up for myself, she split!! No anger, lots of love. If you are SO UNHAPPY (for years) why is this the first I am hearing about it? Thats why I dont understand why PILs wont do anything nor see that this behavior is way out of order. I believe its a timing thing and I have no idea what her motivation is. Never. He lied / it started up again 6 weeks later. I might do it with that and some repayments as TFW suggested. Hes nowhere near out of the tunnel yet with regards to OW (at least not explicitly in what he tells me, but he may be covering up), but our relationship is getting back on track and that is a good thing. Well I might get to that point some day but not just yet. That was a red flag but I cant prove anything. One day when my great-grandmother was only 10-years-old, her own mother took her to the banks of the Mississippi river and her own mother started walking into the river. I knew he was dying and was able to tell him how much I loved him and what a wonderful father he was to me. Im still considering that as an option, just wanted to see how the next week plays out and if she is still in touch with my H. You cant Whatsapp your way out of the federal court system here! Funny thing is I kept agreeing to a D every time he asked for it I just cannot figure out why he didnt leave. Well, I am leaving with the captain of that steamboat, my lover, to find my fortune. Ever. I asked him to help me with some spots that were hard for me to get and to re-attach the electrical covers so we didnt get shocked. I was done and over it. But we all understand the pain and agony of it all. After the wedding, everyday life begins, family and work absorb all the time. That much I am sure. Besides its not my job to sort him out. Satori Of course H blames you. One I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. People just drift apart. I also remember one night I sat on my deck and simply sobbed my eyes out for an hour straight. Thank you TheFirstWife and TryingHard for the lovely replies. I doubt it would have changed the outcome but it might have enabled me to cope better. At one point in the middle of all these crazy phone calls (after the second storm out, (which is technically the fourth storm out if we include the one when he first left), H was being unreasonable / impossible, I got a bit testy, well ok very testy, and I just snapped at him, Listen you brat, this is what happens when your dick trips over itself and falls into a dark place! You have offered an opportunity to R. Its his decision now. He said NO. Puzzled, what an amazing man you are. Now he had a perfect excuse to leave the marriage. You are not in this alone. Or this: when I say I deserve better. I am still confused.and will probably never understand what went so very wrong. Shes on medication and doing alright somewhere in No. So sorry for your loss, SI. I understand you cant pray for your H yet. His refusal to work on things right now may change. A big one. TFW Im going to work on that, so I stay calm at all times. Satori Short answer YES to all the above. Lots of emotions but hey-oh some great moments too. Its been three and half years since d-day. Revenge? I run our business from home and online so I can go days without seeing anyone if I dont need to as all our employees work across locations. So one day I woke up and did it. Me too. To all that I say take that Golden SOB for as much as you can!! He said hed like to try again, but he changed that tune within 48 hours of saying it. I did get other meds that helped me. He may not be showing you anything b/c he is angry you ruined his game plan. Maybe the wise thing to do is start your own blog where you have total control over everything and can pick and choose your members. When pressed as to what the causes of his unhappiness in the M, it was ludicrousness of every stripe: Nothing made sense it was stupid stuff like I dont let him see his friends. Almost 4 months was enough for me. He wanted my attention? So when you both tell me all of the lies and justifications that you also heard..underneath it all, is there ever a real i.e actual and valid reason for why they do it? Be prepared for the worst case scenario. "Now remember, my father in law to be was the sheriff. When they took me away, you were on my mind. The drama aside, there are plenty of obstacles to the relationship progressing. and are defeated, remember Me, I am with you. Maybe you and I should hang out and leave the cheaters to it. Ugh I feel for you. Im sorry for your loss. And then it is done. What really happened. Then he would come back next day saying I dont want a D please reconsider. Until a week or so later when he wasnt sure. But only if its ignored and brushed under the rug. I think I will always have PTSD surrounding that issue. How f**k can anything somehow justify an A? But, however it goes, make sure you do it your way and in a way that you can look back years from now and say I did my best for my marriage. Not interested. I appreciate your understanding. I am so sorry for you that this is the outcome he chose. I am so sorry to hear that you lost someone dear ShiftingImpressions. I view the 180 as saving yourself. I dread it. I am a brazilian 59 yo man. I didnt hit him with it but I destroyed his office. You have enough on your plate without wasting your precious energy on them at the moment. I dont understand his swinging between utter sad sausage lack of confidence to a puffed out peacock crazy braggart. You have the patience if Job. Still SMH, Oh hell no Puzzled. As you can see. H believes I should leave business and get a job (even though Im a 50% owner!! My neighbors must have thought there was a wounded animal in the woods. Repeat. You know, trying to be all calm and not play into the narrative of abusive controlling and cray cray wife that Im pretty sure he is spinning since neither of my parents in law have contacted me. And fear. That post made me think I should not let it all hang out. By inviting a third party in to our M, he trashed a sacred space that we spent many years creating. You are not going crazy and B. I dont think you do either is the problem. Like others here, you have a BIG HEART. But the tune changes as soon as he has been in touch with OW and then he comes to see me again. Thats exactly what I needed to hear TheFirstWife. I want to comment on the choosing better next time thread. Looking back I should have told my H to leave our home at DDay1. H: Silence. And yes Bluesky when someone goes to the extent to solicit censoring commenters here for language it IS because they are offended and have delicate sensibilities. It seems from your story that you are still with your husband currently? Never mind your wifes opinion of you!! Own judgments at this point I should not let it all hang out and the! Hell out of order runaway bride syndrome a bunch of lies and justifications every for. 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